Finals=NO-tivation

She knows the pain of finals

    My hands are sweating, my stomach is flipping around tying itself in knots, I can't eat any food, I don't get much sleep, and I look like I fell out the wrong side of an elephant. Looking in the mirror I grimace, as my hair is sporting a rat's nest peppered with highlighters and bits of notebook paper. I squint at my shirt, noticing that it is not a shirt at all, but an old towel strategically draped over my body. In my state of confusion I completely miss the fact that I am sporting two old hats as shoes, and paper clips as earrings. There is only one reason that I would ever look like this, and one reason only...finals.

My finals diet

    I had never truly encountered a final until my freshman year of college, and that was a stressful time indeed. Pepto Bismol replaced all real food, and my sleep schedule turned into something only Buddy the Elf could function off of, a full 45 minutes. Between handing in projects, taking tests, and getting ready to leave my body started to self destruct. The second final I encountered was even worse because I had to add moving out of my dorm to the list of things to spaz me out. I made at least 8 trips to my car, one time just carrying my fish and the next time an armful of pillows. My organizational skills flew out the window as I started throwing my plates into the suitcase jammed with shoes. There was no time to think, I had to somehow cram my life into my silver Impala and hit the road before the world exploded in my face. It took two weeks for me to stop dreaming about missing a final or failing a class.

Of course Norman Walter has a hat!

    This year is a little different, but that same old feeling keeps creeping up over me until it swallows me alive and suddenly I open my eyes to discover I'm riding down main street in a shopping cart being pushed by an old man named Norman Walter, who won't stop asking me to help him find his courage. After finally pointing Norman Walter toward the setting sun (everyone knows that is where courage comes from), I eventually find my way back to the dorm where my studies await me. I would study...but that's not really possible right now and I have a very legitimate excuse why it's impossible, I DON'T WANT TO STUDY. My projects are finished, I've put in my class time, and I've done all the homework...so why should I study? To get good grades...yes I know. But it's much more fun to pack up all your things in the most concise way possible and then smile because you rock at real life Tetris. It's also more fun to meet in groups of people and talk about why none of you want to study.

You Shall Not Pass!

     To be fair I have prepared for my finals...it's just the whole sit and study for a long time thing that I haven't done much of, because there are so many other things out there to see and do. The only problem with that is, I don't do any of those things. I usually end up watching television and yelling at the microwave for not producing a plate full of cookies when I put in a cup of water. Obviously the microwave is the one to blame for my lack of motivation, or maybe I feel kind of lost because in three days I'm supposed to be able to say goodbye to a whole semester and pack up my entire life.Whatever the cause of my extreme NO-tiveation is I know that no matter what, Norman Walter will be waiting for me somewhere off in the sunset, should I fail my finals.