Not All Babies Are Cute

THE HORROR!!!!!

    I'm fairly certain there is a saying that all babies are cute, but I have to wonder if that is supposed to include ALL babies. Today I was outside painting a fence that desperately needed my help, and as I was making my way to the middle of the fence I saw something horrifying and really repulsive. Looking closely at it my suspicions were confirmed and I recoiled in horror. Perched on the top of the fence post was a very small bird's nest filled with some of the ugliest babies I have ever seen. Their pointed little beaks flung themselves wide open like a book, a very scary and extremely ugly book. One of the books at the library that no one has touched in years and it has mildew and water damage, and probably some spit and 80 year old food bits stuck in the cover. That is what I saw, and it creeped me out.

Knowing smirk, right there

    Generally I am a fan of babies. What's not to like? They are a tiny version of something else, and tiny things are usually very cute. Personally I enjoy shopping at stores and coming across tiny things, like the tiny umbrellas you put in drinks to make them look fancy. Some more delightful tiny foods include tiny club crackers(they make me feel like I'm a giant),little smokies(or as I call them teeny weenies), bite-sized cereals, and so many more magical things. I don't know what it is about these tiny objects that capture my affection, but they catch my attention faster than a knowing smirk thrown by Clark Gable at almost any point in "Gone With the Wind". I used to love this Winnie the Pooh treehouse I had because it was stocked with little tiny furniture and tiny little Winnie the Pooh characters. Now a regular sized Winnie the Pooh is adorable, but a tiny one is can't-stand-it enchanting.

They are cute, it's true

     Back to the topic at hand. It is now time to discuss the fact that other species have way cuter babies than humans do. Take puppies for example. Puppies are cuter than babies, and that might be because with puppies you can put them in their kennel when they poop on the floor. With babies you have to clean it up...and you CANNOT put a baby in a kennel, you just have to pretend like it was the most fun in the world and watch as the baby tries to jam the remote in its' mouth...and probably stop it from doing that. Then there are kittens. Those tiny little balls of fluff(unless you get one of those hairless cats...that's your own problem then) are just so cute. Their tiny little mewing noises and kitten shenannigens make you feel all warm and fuzzy. Regular babies also make noises, but they are not always fun to hear and that is a point against human baby cuteness. This hurts me to admit, but even baby skunks and raccoons are cute. Regular sized skunks and raccoons are a huge pain and both of them smell awful. But baby skunks are cute AND they are called kittens...so that's a point for the skunk babies.
      I've been dancing around this subject but the time has come to call out the ugly babies. Now I'm not talking human babies, because all human babies are, in fact, cute. With their tiny little feet, baby hands, and teeny little baby noses you just have to admit that all babies are cute. Some babies are cuter than others, but we don't need to get into that whole mess. Now for the list of ugly babies:

Supposed baby platypus: Not cute

1. Mice babies: regular mice suck, and their babies suck even more because they are hairless and really gross
2. Snake babies: I hate snakes, even the tiny ones. They freak me out with their slithering.
3. Anything that comes out of an egg: Maybe platypus babies are cute, but I kinda doubt it.
4. Woodchuck babies: Stupid woodchucks
5. Possum babies: They have ratlike tails, pointed faces, and beady eyes, at no point will they be cute.
6. Fish babies: According to what I learned from Magic School Bus, baby fish are really freaking looking.
That's it for the list of ugly babies. Now I'm sure I missed a few, so this list is probably more of an ugly baby honorable mention compilation.

Painting the fence can wait

     As for the ugly bird babies I encountered today, I did my best to leave them alone. I painted as quickly as I could around their nest(I am really confused as to why the bird placed her nest on a fence near a very accessible area but that's her deal), and absolutely did not touch anything. Being completely terrified of nature attacking me I kept a broom close should the mother bird decide I was in her way. No worries though, it would've been a gentle swat to her at best, and only in self defense. Luckily, I didn't have to use my broom and I have a report from my dad that the mother robin came back to feed her ugly children. Somewhere down the road there will be several robins flying around who once lived the life of an ugly baby bird, and I look forward to that day very much.