There are some things money can't buy...like athletic ability.

     From a young age I always knew I was destined to not play sports. We lived too far out in the country for me to be a part of any after school sports shenanigans, and gym class was stupid. I was a fat kid and there is no way anyone can tell me otherwise, I have proof that I was a fat kid. My fourth grade picture is a miracle of nature, somehow the photographer got my whole face into that photo. If I ever see that photographer I want to shake their hand. What I am saying here, is that I was not a very athletically inclined child. I usually failed at kickball, abhorred the mile, and while playing tag one day I ran my fat little face into the jungle gym and chipped my front tooth. Because of this I do not know what it is like to have those great sports moments, but here are a few things I've experienced that I feel come close(and are way better).

Balance game...I dominate

    Yesterday, I was playing the Wii fit balance game where you have to get all the pretty colored balls into the right slot. I usually dominate at this game, but as I have been neglecting my Wii Fitness lately I was failing pretty badly. It got down to the last two seconds on the clock and I had one more ball to go, risking everything I placed my weight on my left foot and just as the time ran out the ball slipped through the hole. When I looked at my time I found out I had made it with 1 second to spare. The next few minutes were spent running around my room fist pumping as the little Mii's clapped their hands. I felt like a champion, and I hadn't even had breakfast that day! Maybe this could be compared to volleyball when you make a spike at the last second (yeah that's right, I know volleyball terms).

This chick can sing some fine Italian

   Another incident that I believe could be compared to some form of athletic thing, was the final of my Italian Diction class. Oh man how I hated that class. My professor was one of those very special people, who says very special things, that make you feel a very special way about them. I anxiously walked into the classroom with my accompanist in toe. Wanting to waste the least amount of my accompanist's time I offered to go first, and bombed. I could just see the proff over in the corner with his special grin on his special face, making special comments on my terrible Italian singing. With the final off to a grand start I spent the rest of the period playing for other students' songs. It wasn't my finest hour, but in my defense I barely had an hour to practice most of their songs. You see, they gave me the songs right before class and we didn't have a chance to practice together, which is a rather large handicap if you want to accompany someone(I think I just used a golf term...probably). The last girl gets up and says, "Okay so I totally didn't know we needed an accompanist.Oops!" The professor looks at me and asks me very specially if I would play. The girl hands me her song and I glance over it, sick to death of stupid Italian and ready to go burn some song copies. I sit down at the piano and the professor says in a very special voice to me, "Oh, it's THIS song. Maybe I should play for her." I was about ready to smack him right in his special face but instead I replied very sweetly, "No that's alright, I'll give it a shot." And I proceeded to sit down and play the shit out of that song, sightreading and everything. As soon as I was done I looked over the top of the piano and smiled a special smile at my professor's dumbfounded face. This can be compared to an event in sports(perhaps basketball) when the other team is booing you and you end up kicking them in their special faces.

Not the organ I actually play.

    I believe my next victory can be compared to a marathon. You see I have to begin training way ahead of time, somewhere around three to four months. I have to work with it at least two times a week, but preferably more. My trainer gives me tips and constructive criticism, and in the end I have to show him everything I can do. Sure my crowd consists of two people, but it's one of the less attended marathons. The marathon I am speaking of? My organ jury, but most especially the organ jury I had in December. About two weeks before the jury date my professor hands me a new song and tells me to work on it and play it next week. I was fairly certain I was going to play this ridiculously long song with a lot of pedal solos, so I didn't give the new song much thought. When I went to the lesson and played the new song my professor changed the game plan on me (look at me go using words like game plan), I was going to play the new song for my jury. Like any marathoner would, I practiced more and more as the day of the race got closer. Jury day arrived, and I was raring and ready to go. Just like a marathoner I had special shoes I put on and I ascended the steps to the balcony. Unlike a marathoner I got to sit down and then move my feet. I took a deep breath and started pumping those foot pedals like mad. I put my everything into that song and as I reached the final lap I gave one last push. And suddenly I had crossed the finish line and my coach and one bystander were giving me dignified head nods.

In order to save the people,I will take down tvs.

    Looking over these events I'm glad I got to experience them instead of actual sports, because I get the same feeling athletes get, but without all the sweat from other players dripping on me.Also, I hate practicing for sports and going to actual sporting events, so that could have been a problem. Oh, and I don't run the risk of serious injury..most likely. Not only have I avoided injuring myself, I have also avoided injuring others. I still cringe to think of that one tragic day in 8th grade when we had phy-ed. Someone thought it would be a good idea to give me a basketball,make me throw it, and try to make a basket. Well I kind of missed the basket, but I did end up hitting my teacher in the head making her fall to the ground. Depending how you look at that situation maybe I should play sports...or maybe I should pretend to throw baskets and just run the risk of hitting my television. At least I wouldn't have take it to the hospital to check for concussions.