Hanging by a Few Threads

Moonboot

    Since I've been playing in the snow quite a bit lately, it has brought back some old memories from my childhood. No flashback would be complete without a polite nod to the winter of 96-97. My memory of that is one that is combined from a home video and something I actually managed to remember all on my own. We had a huge drift at the end of our grove, so my sisters and I decided to do something epic with it. I'm sure it was epic at the time, but it ended up being a very small hole which was dug from the top of the drift through the side. Being the precocious little five year old that I was, I decided to be totally awesome and climb up through the hole. I was all ready to impress my older sisters, but then (as usual) I made a fool of myself. Somehow I ended up getting wedged in the hole and my moon boot came off. I have no idea how this happened, but in the home video it's footage of me stuck in this hole and yelling in a very high pitched voice about my boot. It is hilarious to watch, although it was extremely terrifying and embarrassing at the time.

My shed was bigger...and cooler

    One of my favorite snow memories happened when I was a little older than that.I can't remember how old I was but I'm going to guess I was probably 9 years old. I was old enough for no one to really care about what I was doing, and so I could just go play by myself when everyone got sick of me. To be fair, I was a fat little kid, and I also believed I was hilarious. I have no idea why I thought I was so awesome, maybe it's because there was so much of me. Anyway, I was all snow-suited up in my blue snowpants a ridiculous 90's coat, and some hand-me-down snowboots, and I had a brilliant idea. There had been a lot of snow that winter as well, so much that it ended up drifting to the top of our lean-to shed. Being the budding genius that I was, I decided it would be the coolest thing ever to sled down the roof of the shed. I struggled to the top of the snow pile and threw the tie-dye sled up onto the roof. After several minutes I managed to get myself up onto the roof as well. I walked up to the point where the lean-to met the shed wall and sat down on the sled. With my game face on and excitement coursing through my veins I pushed off the wall.

This is exactly what the sled looked like

     The next thing I knew I was hanging in mid air. My sled had flown out from under me and I was levitating above the snow pile. My snowpants had gotten caught on a nail and I was literally hanging by a thread. I had no idea how this was going to end, but something told me it wouldn't end well. Not knowing what to do I called for help, but at the same time I was praying that no one could see me hanging off of the lean-to. It was then I decided I couldn't stay there forever, I had to free myself from this nail. Surprisingly enough it took a few tries to free my chubby nine year old self, but I did eventually end up face first in the pile of snow. Never again have I tried sledding off of a roof, although this time I think I would be smart enough to hold tightly to my sled.

He is way better than I was

   One more snow memory comes to mind as I gaze across the snow drifts of my mind. I was in fourth grade and we were on a field trip to go skiing. This particular field trip included the fourth, fifth, and sixth graders and some of their parents as chaperons. I had never been skiing before and I ended up spending all morning on the bunny hill trying to pass the test. Something you should know about me, I stink at any sport and I am in no way athletically inclined. After lunch I finally passed the stupid test and made it around the cones without falling down or knocking over a cone. If only they knew just what they were setting loose on the slopes. Sliding off of the ski lift I made my way to the easiest hill there was, Hawaiian Cruise. Happily I set off bent low into the wind. As I came around the bend I tried to put my skis in the pizza position in order to slow down. The closer I got to the bottom of the hill the more I tried to slow down, and the faster I ended up going. All of the sudden I realized I was headed right for one of the chaperons. Looking up in terror I saw him rapidly coming closer. I was on the ground before I realized I had knocked down a full grown man. It was like running into solid wall, and I looked around me in confusion. Feeling horrified that I had knocked him down I offered him some words of condolence "I'm sorry!I can't stop so good!" He looked at me and started laughing.
    I have learned many lessons from the snow, most of which include me embarrassing myself. A good lesson to remember is: there is no way your older sisters will ever think you are cool, especially when you are five. And another lesson to remember is always run into a chaperon that has a good sense of humor, even now when I see him now we still like to talk about the skiing incident. But the most important lesson of all to remember is: you are never as awesome as you think you are, the snow will always prove superior.

Snow Wins Again