Since it's still the holidays (New Years hasn't happened yet, so there) I thought I would try to post a few helpful hints to being an awesome person this holiday season. I don't know if I've told you this yet, but I was basically an only child from the time I was in ninth grade. This is because my sisters are 5 and 6 years older than me, so they moved out and I was still at home for four years after that. Anyway, being an only child and very much unattached to anything other than my extensive collection of musicals soundtracks, I have become the holiday soccer mom in our house. My mom works so she leaves the baking to me, and it is then that I become the holiday soccer mom.
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| SOOO COMFORTABLE! |
This was not my first time donning the holiday soccer mom ugly holiday sweater, and so I have accumulated a few of my baking tips for all of you out there wondering how to make a successful holiday cookie tray. First of all you have to wear comfy holiday socks. Why holiday socks? Please...if you're going to be a holiday soccer mom you have to wear holiday socks. Comfy footwear is essential because for some reason when you're baking there is no time for sitting. It's basically an assembly line and I'm pretty sure those people don't get to sit down. If any of you are familiar with the ways of the assembly line feel free to share your knowledge of if they can or can't sit down whilst assembling things. After you have put on the comfy holiday socks pull out the list of goodies your family can't live without. My list this year included: kringla, krumcaka, forgotten cookies, snowballs, danish puffs, chocolate peanut candies, cornflake cookies, monster cookies, and fudge. That, my friends, is a whole lot of holiday cheer right there.
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| Before |
After you have assembled your ridiculously long list of holiday goodies, then you need to figure out what order to make them in. I hate having to sit around and wait for something to get chilled enough or baked enough, so you figure out the most efficient way to do things. I am not Martha Stewart and I don't have all day to prance around my kitchen making beautiful cookies and cute decorations out of things that I found on a nature walk. I just want to bake my stuff so I can be done and move on with my life, not that I don't enjoy baking but saving time makes it a much more pleasant experience. Anyway, once you've figured out what baked good comes first, start baking your stuff. No matter who you are or where you live, your holiday baking is going to require a literal TON of butter and about six dozen eggs. It wouldn't be the holidays without these crucial baking items. Make sure you have secured all the ingredients you need BEFORE you start baking. It's so not awesome to reach the end of a recipe and realize you forgot to pick up a can of powdered rhino's horn. And going to your neighbors to borrow a cup of sugar is impractical for me because I live in the middle of nowhere...and it would just be weird because who does that?
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| After |
Once your baking is under way be sure to sing several holiday tunes, it helps if you are well versed in holiday songs. Since you are trying to become a Holiday Soccer Mom I assume you already know some pretty good Christmas Carols. If you're going for the gold you could whip out some lesser knowns like "Foom Foom Foom", I don't have a prize to give to you but you will have the satisfaction of knowing the song and that you are a big Christmas nerd. While you are caroling around your kitchen baking your wonderful Christmas goodness, clean up the huge mess you've been making. If you clean up the messes while your making them, you won't have to be up until three in the morning scrubbing some weird green crap off of your ceiling. When the timer for the oven dings be sure to mentally prepare yourself for failure. Despite your best efforts something could have gone wrong and it's best to be prepared for it because sometimes ovens like to take your hard work and turn it into something that tastes like old socks, or at least looks like old socks. If the angel of Christmas baking has smiled upon your kitchen and blessed you with lovely and tasty cookies, make sure to spread the aura of love all around your Christmas baked goods. No self respecting Holiday Soccer Mom would forget that love is the most important ingredient.
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| Smorgasbord |
When you have finally made your way to the end of your Christmas goodies list, put them in containers so your family can have the joy of opening them and wondering what delight they will find inside. It's basically like opening a present, except better because you can always eat it. Once you have properly contained your goodies (beware of the monster cookies, I swear they are feistier than normal cookies) take pictures of your hard work and show them to people who probably couldn't care less.
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| Aerial View |
*Side Note* Ironically not pictured are the Forgotten cookies. Not because I didn't want to photograph them, but because they have to sit in the oven for somewhere around 6 hours.They didn't turn out anyway, the Christmas cookie angel spat on them and they lost their visual appeal...still tasted amazing though. And I could eat more of them without really realizing it, a true Christmas miracle.
*Confession Time* My Holiday Soccer Mom holiday sweater has been stained because I didn't make all of the goodies on my list. Our fallen friends this year included the Cornflake cookies and krumkaka.
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