Holiday Soccer Mom Returns with Christmas Cat!

FINALS!

     It has come to my attention that I have abandoned you for over a month, and in this month I missed our one year anniversary. I am appalled that I let this most auspicious occasion pass without blogging, but I got busy again. In college there is this horrifying thing they call "finals" and this happens before you are allowed to escape the evil clutches of higher education for Christmas break. I think they call it finals because it feels like the final events of the world. This may seem, well, over-dramatic, comparing finals to the four horsemen of the apocalypse but they are pretty awful. All excuses aside, I'm blogging here today and we can all appreciate it and let me make it up to you by saying HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!Now "the rrrrRest of the story"(Paul Havery reference, don't get too excited about it...he's dead).

Kinda like that

     A few weeks ago I was sitting at home watching a movie, bored. I can't watch movies without doing something (i.e)sewing, homework, cooking, napping, all of which are excellent choices by the way. My cat just happened to hop up into my lap at that moment and a lightbulb came on in my head. I smiled like the Grinch when he saw Max and wanted to turn him into that weird unicorn-reindeer. Quintus happily kept digging his claws into my thigh as I looked at him. Throwing him onto the floor I ran into my bedroom, suddenly in the Christmas spirit. I dug threw my bags of fabric until I found what I was looking for, a soft red fabric. My Christmas brain moved at hyper speed as I spied an old bag of batting (that white fluffy stuff inside your pillow). Dashing away to the living room I threw the fabric out on the floor and cut the outline. Grinning wickedly to myself I grabbed my needle and thread.

Off the back for those more casual occasions

     Not 10 minutes later I held in my hand a Cat Santa hat, complete with beard. The only thing it was missing, was a cat. I knew I was going to need help with this so I waited for my boyfriend to arrive. Quintus is a great cat, but he can get pretty feisty if he feels the occasion calls for it. After Sam walked through the door I told him to grab Quintus and hold him down. I slipped the Santa hat over his little kitty head, and was mystified by the feeling of Christmas that overcame me. Looking down at my furry little Santa Paws I saw something glinting in his eye too, and it wasn't the spirit of Christmas. He did not disappoint me in being completely horrified by his Christmas garb.The angry Santa whipped his hat around until it fell down his back, whereupon he tried to buck it off. I stood there laughing at him as I reached for the camera. I had Sam hold Quintus tightly so I could snap a picture of him, and it was AWESOME! I showed it to all my friends, and they agreed that he looked completely miserable.
     You may be wondering why I would do something like this to my cat,but remember that after all, I am the Holiday Soccer Mom. Also, when you have to clean up someone's poop and barf and feed them constantly, you're allowed to have fun with them by harmless torture. And it's not like I sewed it onto his head and made him wear it forever. So as an anniversary/Christmas gift to you I have here the picture of Quintus in his Santa hat. Props to Sam for holding the angry cat (Sam did you notice I used the word apocalypse in this blog?), and props to Quintus for not biting anyone. Spoiler alert for you Quintus, tomorrow you get nail clippers and file for Christmas! Enjoy the catnip toy I gave you today to throw you off the trail!
                                                             HAPPY HOLIDAYS READERS!

LiterOthello

That is Patty...or me I guess.

First of all, to my faithful readers who have been checking back on a semi regular basis...WELL DONE! YOU'RE NOW FINALLY REWARDED WITH A NEW BLOG!!!Yes, my last post was on September, 30th and today is well... November 15/16 depending on when I publish this, at any rate that is a month and a half of waiting. Of course, I must defend myself and explain why I was too busy to grace you with some form of bad pun, and mildly amusing thoughts (for this is Mild Musings after all!). I've been involved in my college's production of Grease as Patty Simcox, irritating and well-meaning cheerleader. This ate up most of my time, and the rest was devoured by Grease tech work. Making costumes, painting stuff, making more costumes, staying up super late to paint more stuff, this equation lead to no blog for a long time. "But wait!" you may be saying to yourself, "didn't you have some form of mid-semester break in there?" To you folks I say, "Shut up, no one asked you." Also, I didn't want to provide less than awesomeness for you and it wasn't until an epiphany hit me, that I was prepared to give you a great blog. So for your enjoyment I present a Kersti's Cards production, in collaboration with Designs by K, and The Singing Chef Restaurant: LiterOthello.

     We open on two men shouting in the street at night. The more interesting man is named Iago and he shoves the rather stupid Roderigo out into the open, whilst hiding behind something and starts shouting things at the window like: "Your daughter ran away, and is making the beast with two backs with that black guy that was hanging around here!Dude wake up!Where's your daughter at? Oh, that's right, she ran off with the Moor!!!Who may not actually be from Morocco! It's just an old, more than slightly racist term for black people during the Renaissance!!!!" At which point the old man goes ballistic and starts shouting at Roderigo something like, "You're mother made the beast with two backs with me! And you're less than pleasant smelling!" Thus ends the nocturnal exchange between these men. At any rate, Brabanzio is notified that his daughter is no longer with him, but with Othello the Moor of Venice. (If this were a movie dramatic music would be playing and we would see aerial shots of Venice as actors names go floating on the screen, thankfully you're just reading this and it's much shorter than most Shakespeare movies).

Yep, that's who she picked!

     Then we get to the court room and Brabanzio is screaming about his daughter being stolen by a Moor. Honestly, I think he's just being racist but the dude did just lose his daughter so maybe cut him some slack. So Brabanzio is just going on and on about injustice and the Moor and getting his daughter back, and the judges side with him and say if he can prove his daughter wants to come back, they'll make it happen captain. Conveniently, at this moment his daughter Desdemona and her new husband Othello waltz into the courtroom. All the judges quietly utter an "Oh crap!", since they said the Moor could be killed if Desdemona didn't really want to be married to him. This is a problem because Othello is a war general and the Venicians want to go to war with Turkey and they need his help. At any rate, Brabanzio runs up to his daughter and asks her who she loves more. In a very eloquent way Desdemona says, "This dude!" whilst pointing at Othello...the Moor. Brabanzio says something along the lines of, "Good thing I don't have any more children, or else I'd chain them up and keep them at home. You know, since you eloped in the middle of the night and all." Then Othello has to make ready to leave since he only has an hour before they go to battle.

Sheer Iago Awesomeness

     Sometime later they win against the Turks and Othello is finally able to spend a little...um....quality time with Desdemona. At this point Iago comes up and tells the audience, "Othello promoted Cassio over me!!!Me!!!And I'm super awesome and would be such a better officer than Cassio!So I'm going to ruin everyone's lives and then I'll be happy!" He starts to plant a seed in Othello's mind, and it has super graphic images of Cassio doing things to Desdemona "betwixt the sheets". Now Iago is pissed that Cassio got promoted over him, but he also has heard that Othello has "done his (Iago's) office with his wife". Meaning Othello supposedly slept with Iago's wife, something that is almost certainly untrue. Iago even knows this, but he just really wants to mess everything up so he goes about his plan to ruin everything.

Othello and Desdemona

     Othello and Desdemona are happily in love and married and feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries and listening to Michael Buble, but somehow Iago gets it into Othello's head that Desdemona has been sleeping with Cassio. Desdemona is NOT sleeping with Cassio and is way too sweet and loyal to ever even THINK of doing anything like that. Iago still gets under Othello's skin and uses all kinds of word play and psychology to twist Othello's mind around his wife's betrayal. Iago works it so that everything points toward Desdemona's guilt, and he is way sneaky about it. His wife Emilia is Desdemona's servant, and he keeps telling her to get this handkerchief away from Desdemona. Othello gave her that handkerchief as a present, and it's very special because he received it from his mother. Emilia gets the handkerchief away from Desdemona and gives it to Iago, who ends up getting it to Cassio, who is seen with it by Othello.

Sometimes, pillows help you sleep forever

     At this point Othello is in a constant state of agony. His mind is torturing him with images of his wife cheating on him with his best friend, and he things that Iago is his only friend. Othello cannot see the horrible person Iago is, and he keeps listening to him. Finally Othello gets so worked up, he feels his only solution is to kill Desdemona. How this makes sense, I don't know but he has to kill her to make it all better. Desdemona has no idea what the flip is happening and so when Othello comes to bed at night she's all "Oh, coming to bed my Lord? Missed you!" And this point he starts letting her know his full mind and says something about killing. Desdemona picks up on this as says, "Whoa what? Talk ye of killing my lord? Certainly not me!" And then Othello says he won't scar her flesh or shed her blood, but he does pick up a pillow. She tries to convince him that she has never been unfaithful, but it's hard to prove your point with a pillow smothering you and all. Desdemona lays dead on the bed (with a pillow o-er her head), and Othello has a quiet brain at last. 

What about him looks trustworthy!Not the chin beard, no sir.

    While Othello is standing over his wife's body, basically everyone in the entire play runs in. Desdemona's cousin is there, Iago is brought in, Emilia waltzes in, and of course the awesomely handsome Cassio sashays on in. Everyone does a double take and starts explaining. You see, Iago has confessed everything and is thrown on the floor. This is a big mistake because Iago is a very desperate man at this point. He grabs his wife as a hostage and ends up slitting her throat. She wants to die on the bed next to her mistress, so that whole scene happens. Then Othello stabs Iago (after hearing the story), and then kills himself. He drags his bleeding body up onto the bed and dies at Desdemona's feet. Then Iago drags himself over (not wanting to be left out) and dies at his wife's feet. So at the end, there are 4 dead bodies on a bed, some super confused bystanders, and a whole lot of puffy pants going on. Moral of the story, don't listen to guys named Iago...I mean even Aladdin taught us that.

When I'm a Real Grown Up

FOUR PEOPLE!

     This whole week I've been sick, and in my phlegm and fever induced haze I've been thinking a lot about what  it will be like to be a real adult. What really started it off was Monday morning, when I had to contact 4 people to let them know I would not be coming to class/work that day. FOUR PEOPLE! By the time I got to the last phone call I couldn't help but wonder if I was really sick enough to contact FOUR PEOPLE and tell them of my invalid status. By that night I figured I didn't need to contact one more person and I was going to go to my musical rehearsal. I thought maybe I would be able to sweat off my sickness, but no such luck. It is extremely frustrating to be sick and not a real grown up, because if I had a grown up job I would only have to contact one person to tell them I was sick. In order to paint you a better picture of what my adult life will be like, I have written this story in the fashion of a children's book.
     When Kersti Marie woke up one day, she went about her grown up way. She brushed her teeth and combed her hair, there was no homework anywhere. No plays to dissect and no class to attend, if she wanted she knew she'd have time with a friend. 

Perhaps one day...

     Her job took all day and sometimes went late, but with no homework to do she always felt great. When she got home she had time to clean, and even completed before 8:15. When she was in college she didn't have time, and never finished her cleaning by 9. One day in school she came home very late, and decided to vacuum at 10:58. Her cat was not happy didn't like it one bit, and so on her carpet a hairball did spit. Now that she's grown and home with more time, her cat gets attention and never does whine.
     In college no time for meals so fancy, instead she feasted on Chef Boyardee. Nowadays she can spend her time, in cooking fine meals and drinking fine wine. When she returns from a long day at work, her exercise plan she never does shirk. When her time is not taken with group work and papers, she has time to assign to her fun reading capers. 
     Her schoolwork behind her she looks with repose, on her college days when she was kept on her toes. With fondness she sees all the late nights with friends, and walks down her memory lanes once again. Then with horror she sees the day she was sick, when she had to contact FOUR PEOPLE.
                                                                        The End

ps.I like college, it's fun...but I wish I had more time in my day.

College is fun!

Scandinavian Adventure Part V: Roots...with a Toby!And the Homeward Journey.

Unto this point our author has seen the wasteland of Iceland, climbed the extreme hills of Norway, dined on salmon, and met all Swedes. Now join us as we conclude Scandinavian Adventure.

Exhibit A:Stupid American

     By the time we reached my dad's relatives in Junby we were all very tired. There hadn't been much sleep and there had been a lot of meeting people. It is really surprising how tired you can get when there is a language going on around you that you can't speak. I felt like a stupid American because I came to a country expecting to be able to speak English and get around, thankfully that was the case because we would've been in trouble otherwise. We drove to my dad's relatives after saying a very extended goodbye to my mom's relatives. I had no idea how I was relate to some of the people we encountered, but I was assured that I WAS in fact related to all Swedes (as I had previously thought). Upon our arrival we were greeted by a woman named Asa(pronounced Oh-saw) who was waving madly at the end of the driveway. Last summer she had come to visit us in American along with a large group of my dad's relatives. It was fun to know I would be seeing people I had met before, and especially Asa.

Asa, just walking

     Something you should know about Asa, she is the most lively person I have ever met in my life. You can't help but want to laugh when you're around her. One of my favorite memories of Sweden was when we were at Asa's cottage and I was walking in to use the bathroom. She came bustling out of the house in a strapless black bikini and matter-of-factly asked me "Would you like to take a bath? There is nothing like a quick bath!" Dumbfoundedly, I said no thank you, and watched as she bounded down to "bathe" in the lake. I was in complete shock as I stood there, and it took all my willpower not to laugh out loud at the scene I had witnessed. Did I mention that Asa is in her 60s? She has white hair that springs from her scalp in tight curls, and she always wears a headband. She has black glasses that she wears at the very bottom of her nose, and she always looks like she is about to smile.

I want to go to there!

     Back to our arrival, we walked into the home of my dad's relatives and were greeted with the most amazing scent of cooking salmon. I really had a thing for salmon at this point and I was so pumped I got to eat it again. The rest of the trip was a blur of family and food. We got to go shopping in Junby, and we found some really cute shops. Of course, when you're in a foreign country everything seems cute. The most magical thing about shopping in Sweden (and Norway), is the grocery store. You may be thinking, this kid is crazy, what the heck could be so magical about a grocery store. Oh ye of little faith, thous has never encountered the  amazing candy wall. I still have dreams about the candy wall sometimes. It is an aisle in the grocery store that is complete of candy. You can take a scoop and plop it into a bag. There are the most fantastic candies to be had, and all at the same price. My eyes could feast for days on that wall of candy. Needless to say I filled my candy bag to the fullest, and was not mad at all when I had enough to take home with me.

Hard work...then cake.

     While we were with my dad's relatives we partook of the Pearson/Perrson family reunion. We had different last names as a result of the whole "We can't pronounce that in America" thing, when the ancestors came over. This reunion took place outside, until it rained and we were forced to hurriedly move into the barn to finish our meal. It was a great spread of food as per usual, but the desert was fantastic. It was a mixture of fruit, cream, meringue, and awesomeness. I can't even remember how many pieces I ended up having. After we had digested our food, it was time to get to work. The relatives brought out scythes, pitchforks, and rakes and said we would be cutting the grass. They told us it was tradition, and more fun than using machines because machines are loud and prevent us from talking to each other. We were shy at first, but finally we decided to get down in there and cut some grass. It was the most fun I think I've ever had at a family reunion. I didn't think that physical labor would be required of me, so it was all the more fun to find I had been slightly useful. I had a blast talking to some of the relatives who were around my age, and after we had finished cutting grass we "took a wade" in the lake. And after all the work it was, of course, time for more cake.

Our dinner scenery.

     On our last day with the relatives they took us out to a little island out on the lake. This is where Toby comes in...although it should probably be Tobi since his name is Tobias. No one ever called him Tobi, but it fit in with my Roots thing, and I think he must've been called Tobi at some point in his life. Anyway Tobias and his father Dan(pronounced Don),  helped us get into the boat and on our way to the island. Once we were there we set up a grill and had hotdogs, potato salad, and a really tasty Swedish beer. We stood right next to the lake and ate our supper as the sun went down. I was able to wander around the island and climb some rocks, and of course get lots of pictures of nature. Everyone was smiling and laughing, as we shared our meal and enjoyed the gorgeous scenery. All too soon it was time to leave, and we got back on the boat to the mainland.

BEST NERD MOMENT EVER!

     The next day we gave a sad goodbye to the relatives and started on the road to Denmark. We were leaving from the Copenhagen airport, and got to take the bridge from Sweden to Denmark. This bridge goes under the ocean and it is so weird to slowly start going in a tunnel under the water. As soon as we got to Denmark I said "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark!" I think one of my sister's replied "It's probably you." I was slightly disheartened that my Shakespeare moment was thus ruined, but I wasn't leaving Denmark without a picture of me making a face. When we got to the airport I looked everywhere for a sign that said Denmark, and I finally found one. I put on my "something is stinky" face and made my mom take the picture. I will always cherish that moment, and know that I am a literature/theater nerd to the very end.
     Our flight back was a tired one, but my television worked the whole time so that was just fine. It was very exciting when I heard my dad say he could see Duluth out of his window. I started to get antsy as we finally landed in Minneapolis. My sister Kari had her mother-in-law meet us at the airport and take us back to Kari's place. We were very excited to see someone we knew, and to have someone welcome us back into the country. When I finally made it home, everything seemed so still and quite. I felt like I was finally able to rest, until I looked at my suitcase and decided to bring all the memories back up to the surface. With all my Sweden swag splayed out on the floor, I tenderly looked at each item and made sure to attach a memory to it. Holding up my moose socks I closed my eyes and saw myself standing in Norway once again.

Scandinavian Adventure Part IV: Roots, but with less whipping and nobody named Toby

     Up to this point in our author's journey, the scenery has been completely Norwegian (with a hint of Canada and Iceland thrown in there). Now it is time to broaden your minds and journey across the border to SWEDEN!

Foreign Countries are AWESOME!

     This was basically the point of the entire Scandinavian adventure, Sweden. Last summer my dad's relatives from Junby came to visit us, and that was the first time I had met any of them. It was after their visit that my mom decided it was time for us to go visit them as a family. To get to Sweden we had to walk to the train station, then take a bus to the airport, and then pick up our rental car. The bus was quite the interesting time for me. I hadn't been able to get much sleep as our hotel room was right above a Norwegian club named Oncle Donald's. Yes, that is Uncle, but with an O. Anywho, my sisters and I were up late into the night listening to the American music drifting up from the club. We would've gone down to party, but we were already in bed and it just wasn't worth it. This lack of sleep caught up to me on the long bus ride to the Swedish airport. Holding my backpack tightly in my lap my eyes slowly began to close until WHAM! I jerked out of my sleep and ended up throwing my waterbottle loudly onto the floor. I get twitchy when I'm falling asleep, and I was so tired it was like twitching...but on crack. The Norwegian lady sitting next to me gave me a funny look and my entire family was snickering at me. I cheerily put my bottle back into its pocket on my backpack and proceeded to doze again...WHAM!Another major twitch sent my waterbottle careening down onto the floor. Apparently, it was even funnier the second time. Sadly I set my nice warm backpack on the floor and crossed my chilly arms across my chest. I'd been embarrassed enough for one day.

Ahhh if only

     When our bus finally pulled into the airport we navigated our way to get our rent-a-car. It was a Volvo. You know, no big deal, just cruising around Sweden in a Volvo. This was all new to me as I had never set foot in a foreign car before. My sisters and I squeezed into the back seat with all of our luggage jammed into the tiny little foreign car trunk. I was instantly transported back to my childhood when we were all forced to share the back seat on family vacations, and it was NOT a lane I wanted my memory to be going down. Somehow we made it and ended up in  Smalandsstenar, birthplace of my great-grandfather Oscar Moller (later changed to Miller). Upon arrival we realized we couldn't find the relatives house. Since we didn't have our cell phones this proved to be very challenging, but somehow we found our way to the home of my grandpa's cousin. My grandpa could speak fluent Swedish and he kept in contact with his relatives in Sweden because he was very proud of where he came from. He took many trips to Sweden, and when my mom was 16 she got to go with him and my grandmother to visit the relatives. This was another reason we were in Sweden, she fell madly in love with the scenery and wanted all of us to see it.

MORE FOOD=Second Feast

     A few interesting twists and turns around Smalandsstenar later, we were at the relatives house. Upon walking in the door we were greeted with handshakes, hugs, and some kind of mesh of Swedish and English. There we were, a pack of jetlagged, bedraggled Americans in a Swedish house being greeted by several relatives and a very excited black poodle. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew (and I mean I REALLY knew) I was related to these people. The next few days passed in a blur of family reunions, trips to the old haunts of my great-grandfather, and so much food. Every time we turned around someone was standing with a plate of food in their hand and a smile on their face. We had no idea how to say "I'm full! No thanks!" in Swedish, so we had to eat it. Not that this was a severe punishment or anything, because the food was always good. The bread was fresh, the fruit absolute perfection, the coffee was so strong you felt it down to your knee caps, and the desert was just a completely ethereal experience. I swear that the food in Sweden is made with some kind of Scandinavian magic.

The Shloop Shloop Cast Iron Factory

     We spent 3 days with my mom's relatives exploring the many wonders of Smalandsstenar, including the Skeppschult cast iron factory. My mom was convinced you pronounced it "Shloop shloop". A fact that was disproved by the many laughing Swedes as we told them how she said it. The correct pronunciation is more like "H-Whep shult", but my mom has a Swedish speech impediment and cannot say "H-whep". She was teased mercilessly by us, and I will always remember her shloop shloop because of the cast iron Skeppschult bottle opener I purchased. We also went to the "Second Hand" store my relative worked at. The many wonders of Sweden were ours at extremely reasonable prices! My sisters and I were very excited to finally begin shopping, but little did we know the wonder that was coming our way.

Swedes:I'm related to ALL of them.

     Ullared is a town you probably would just drive through and not think twice about it, but they hold the most wondrous shopping I have ever experienced! Gekas is the name of the store and it is Ikea meets outlet mall, meets Target. You could get EVERYTHING there, and it was all at a reasonable price. Of course we wanted to pick up a few staples, but clothing was the key item we were after. Once we had all selected some sort of Swedish stylery, it was time for fika. This is when you drop everything and have coffee. Swedes drink coffee (and tea, but coffee fits them better) as one of their main beverages. So many traditions in my life started to make sense as I saw Swedish people drinking coffee with every meal. When our shopping was done we collapsed in a tired heap, only to be greeted with plates of food.I would tell you more about my days with my mom's relatives, but in all honesty it is a blur of laughing, Swedish, SOOO MUCH FOOD, and a lot of good conversation. When it was time to leave we were all really sad. Using the little bit of Swedish I picked up I said goodbye to Clara and Ellen, the little girls who had become special friends. I hugged the cousins, and I especially hugged the wife of my grandfather's cousin. Gunnel reminded me so much of my own grandma, I could see why they called each other at holidays and birthdays, and kept in touch with letters. Her cheery smile made each of us sad to say goodbye. We hopped into our Volvo and waved goodbye to our family members, and so we traveled on to Junby were upon we met up with my dad's relatives.

Scandinavian Adventure Part V: Roots...with a Toby!And the Homeward Journey.

Scandinavian Adventure Part III: Norway, Origin of “Uphill Both Ways”

     Previously on “Mild Musings”, our author had taken a plane ride to a foreign country where tragedy struck…her television was broken. After she braved thousands of TV-less miles she arrived in Norway and began an adventure around the city of Oslo. Hereupon she encountered skinny jeans, naked statues, Deli de Luca, and a really cool shower. What will she behold next?

Hereditary Tastes Indulged

     What I beheld was hills…and lots of them. Our second day in Norway brought us out of Oslo and into the countryside. We had a very tasty breakfast in our hotel, in the coolest breakfast nook I’ve ever seen in my life. There was an amazing spread all laid out for the taking, and it was very heavy on the cheese. Scandinavians like their cheese and they like their fish, so that’s basically what was available for breakfast. Now this may not sound delicious at 8am, but it was so good. I took a bite of my salmon and cheese open faced sandwich and something clicked inside of me. It was as though my whole life my hereditary tastes were trying to get my attention, and now in this most perfect moment, they had. After finally finishing our fishy feast, it was time to catch the train to Lillehammer…well, catch the bus to catch the train.

Mountain Chain?Or glorified hill?

     Eventually we were seated on the train and going toward Lillehammer. The Norwegian countryside is breathtaking, and like nothing I’ve ever seen before. There are so many hills and trees you can’t help but be amazed at the sheer grandeur of them. Tiny farmhouses are tucked around every corner, and almost every single one is painted red or yellow. Occasionally there would be flashes of silver as the sun sparkled off of the rivers and lakes. Soon our train came to a stop at the base of (what seemed to me) a small chain of mountains. We had reached Lillehammer and were now seriously relying on Kari to guide us. This was a little more warranted, as she had lived there for four months. Taking the lead Kari told us we were going to a museum called Maihaugen.

OLD BUILDINGS!AND SCENERY!!

      “Seriously?!? We couldn’t have found some other way to get here?!” “Why won’t this hill end?!?!” “Does the museum have to be at the top of the hill??” “Are we going up at a 90 degree angle?” These were just a few of the comments from myself and my family as we walked to Maihaugen. It was pretty bad. The hill made us feel like we were walking straight up, and you could not tell where the museum was so no one knew how far or close we were, except Kari…and we weren’t about to trust her scale of distances. The good news was we saw a hospital in case we collapsed from exhaustion. After much huffing, puffing, and one father almost throwing himself down in defeat we were at the museum. Once we were inside we headed off to look at the exhibits that were old buildings. Now I’ve been to museums before and seen old buildings, but never in my life have I encountered a building from the 1200s. It was the coolest thing that has ever happened to me, aside from the time that I won an iPod touch at my senior prom. The history nerd inside of me was jumping up and down in a frenzy to be around so much history.

Dragons...on a church!

      On the roof of the church building was a carving…of a Dragon and it was awesome. There were a lot of surprising things around the museum, like old sewing machines, hay drying on a rack, actual cows grazing, and the amount of hills. The buildings made it seem like you were in an old village that slowing working its way through the centuries, and so it took a lot of walking to make it all the way from 1200 to 2000. Then there was the fact that we were all carrying semi-heavy loads. I toted around my sister’s messenger bag for a while because it held my book. My dad felt his windbreaker was too much for him to handle, so I was saddled with that as well. Every time I tried to give it back to him, he would find something very interesting to look at, but I was so persistent he finally took back his jacked. After we made our way about Maihaugen and I geeked out over an advertisement for “Peer Gynt” we had a lunch of Vaffles. Yes, vaffles, not waffles. Vaffles are so tasty and pretty, so they get a V instead of a W.

Seriously drooled over this.

      It was now time to hit the town, and we hit it hard. Going down mainstreet (somehow to get down to mainstreet we went up more hills?) we cruised every shop that caught our fancy, but Kari advised us to wait until we saw the inexpensive souvenir shop. Walking into the shop was like entering a wonderland. Scandinavian objects were lined along the wall and we felt as though we were welcomed. It was at this shop that I found a cheese slicer shaped like a moose. This was perfect for my friend Chris, as he loves cheese…and doesn’t dislike moose. Moose are a big deal in Norway, and that is probably because moose in general are a big deal. You don’t mess with a moose, you just observe them and are allowed to be impressed by them. For this reason I felt it my duty to buy a pair of knitted socks that said “Norway” and had plush moose on the ankle part so that my feet could pay their respects to the moose. Once we had made our final purchases it was time to see the school Kari had attended.

Looks like "The Sound of Music", I was so excited!

      Tucked away at the base of one of the Lillehammer mountains was the college. Thankfully, we were able to take a bus to the college instead of walking. Never fear, we had to walk up hills once we got to the college. It was a very small college and it was adorable. The buildings looked more like homes than classrooms, and you could feel the old age of the area in the campus. One mountain sat right behind the apartment Kari had lived in, and you had to look straight up in order to see the top. I praised God that we didn’t have to climb that mountain. After we were done looking at the college we made our way back to town and moseyed into a convenience store. Kari ordered a hotdog on something called lompa. She told us we needed to try it as well. We were handed hotdogs on what looked like the love child of a pita and a piece of lefsa. Taking a bite of my hotdog on lompa I was transported into another world. This hotdog was not too salty, and it actually tasted like meat instead of byproduct. The lompa cradled it gently and gave it a smooth floury feel. All too soon my hotdog was gone, but this was okay because then it was candy time.

Norwegian mittens and jam...together at last.

      Norway is a magical place, a place where every grocery store has a wall of candy. It is so mystical to stand in front of the wall of candy and know that everything here is good, except the Lakerols…don’t get those. My family and I shared our candy with each other and Anna handed me a gummy candy shaped like a soda bottle. I took one bite and was hit with an extremely sour sensation, and then it bubbled. They tasted like soda, but also like candy, they were amazing. Kari had bought a thing of candy in a hockey puck-shaped container. Wearing one of her recently purchased Norwegian wool mittens; she opened the puck container and spilled salt everywhere. It was salt in the hockey puck and not candy. Oh the many surprises of Norway, where candy is salt, uphill never ends, and you have to pay to use some public restrooms (which smell really bad). After a lovely hill filled day, it was time to journey back to Oslo and prepare for the next leg of our journey, Sweden.

COMING SOON! Scandinavian Adventure Part IV: Roots, but with less whipping and nobody named Toby.

Scandinavian Adventure Part II: Do you know the way to Norway?

Not an actual Norwegian

            When last we left our thrilling narrative my family and I had arrived in Norway. If you recall this was a big plus after being in Iceland, which isn’t very icy (in July anyway). Walking around the Oslo airport it was very obvious we were in a different country, because the signs were in at least 3, if not 4, different languages. One thing we were certain of, there was construction going on. Turns out that in every country summer is construction season, and Norway was using it to overhaul their train station. So instead of taking a train the whole way we also had to go by bus.

Peacock Fountain...IN NORWAY!

            Once we got off our plain/train/bus/Pegasus we were at Johannsgate. Which is not pronounced like door kind of gate (by the way), but it means street so, there you go. My sister Kari was our guide because she had been to Norway before and spoke some of the language. Somehow we all decided that since Kari had been to Norway before, she knew everything about every town and would be able to intrinsically lead us wherever we needed to go. Leading the pack of rouge Americans Kari brought us to our very Norwegian hotel, the Best Western. Toting our luggage behind us we travelled up hill and down, past old stone buildings, Game Stop, and the occasional store with a very Norwegian name that sounded funny when you said it aloud. Being the very vocal clan that we are, we voiced our displeasure at being forced to walk such a long way. Which in hindsight wasn’t too far, but we had been travelling for a good 24 hours at this point and our luggage was heavy.

            We reached the hotel and made use of the elevator, which was really tiny. I am assuming it is so small because Europeans prefer to take the stairs, which is why they can get away with wearing such skinny jeans…because they are skinny, and European. At any rate we opened the door to our hotel room and I was astounded at how high the ceilings were, and how big the window was, and how efficient the bathroom looked. The shower was AMAZING! It sat in the corner with a glass door that opened inward, and it didn’t have its own shower floor, it was just the regular floor, but inside the shower. The toilet had two buttons you could push to flush, one for a large amount of water, and one for a small amount of water. Oh, and you had to go up two small steps to get into the bathroom, which made it cooler for some reason. Even though we were all tired, it was mid-morning and time to hit the town.

A dress made entirely of Freia  wrappers!

            Right next to our hotel was a convenience store called Deli de Luca. Armed with Norwegian kroner and an American appetite we stormed the aisles. Kari was pointing out the candy and food she had previously enjoyed, as we tried to decipher some of the Norwegian. After finally selecting some sandwiches, sparkling juice, and Norwegian chocolate we sat down to enjoy the spread. Biting into my sandwich I swear I heard an angelic chorus. The fresh baked bread caressed my senses as the meat and cheese followed in a tasty duet. Taking a sip of my juice I was surprised by how tart it was, and it was the most pleasant surprise. The lack of sugar was a real treat, but the best treat was the Norwegian candy. Freia is the best brand of candy in the whole world. The world of pure imagination would’ve been so much better if it had happened in, Charlie and the Freia Factory.

Capturing the art

            After the most amazing foreign lunch I had ever had (my first trip out of the country, so it was my only foreign lunch thus far), we set out for a place called Vigeland’s park. The entire park is comprised of statues made by one man, and since it was Europe they were all naked statues. Don’t let that worry you, some of them were really funny, others were thoughtful, and some were just…interesting. Kari and I posed in front of a statue and mimicked what it was doing. Then we made our way up to the huge tower of naked people. My dad and sisters stayed there while my mom and I journeyed to the “Circle of Life”. Sadly, Simba wasn’t there, but it was still very cool. After climbing more steps than Rocky, my mom and I made our way back to the entrance where we assumed we would find the rest of the family. We didn’t find them there, and after walking and searching and cursing the lack of cell phones we somehow found each other. It wasn’t so much a joyous reunion as it was tired Americans feeling out of their element, and then getting mad at each other for not being where we were supposed to be.

Tower...OF LIFE!

            Once we finished at the park of naked statues, it was time to head on over to the pier. From the pier we could see mountains, which was super awesome because I live in Moorhead, where the highest point is a very puny man-made hill. Trees completely covered the mountains in a massive clump of green. Ships bobbed in the harbor, flying Norwegian flags from their masts. Kari pointed out that there was a WWII fortress that we could visit. After more complaints about the extreme uphill climb, we got to see an amazing view of the harbor in Oslo. Once we had our fill we traveled back to Johannsgate where we saw the parliament building, as well as the King and Queen’s palace. We went back to Deli de Luca and had gelato (yes, I realize that is an Italian ice cream) to celebrate our first day in Norway.

COMING SOON! Scandinavian Adventure Part III: Norway, Origin of “Uphill both Ways”

Scandinavian Adventure Part 1: Adios America

There's a colonial woman on the wing!

     Sitting in the airport I nervously tapped my feet on the floor. The plane was boarding and I knew that soon we would be careening through the air at a pace so fast it would make race-cars look like baby-carriages. Soon our row was called, and my family and I began the slow shuffle onto the airplane. Walking down the hallway to the airplane I clutched the handle of my suitcase with a death grip. The stewardess greeted us and handed everyone a bottle of water. Glancing from side to side I spotted my row and was quickly pushed into the window seat. Taking off my backpack I slid it under the seat in front of me and waited to be projected from one side of the Atlantic, to the other.

BOOM!Entertainment

     I have been on an airplane before, but that was in 2003 and it was only from Minnesota to Florida. Most of my traveling has been done by car, so I don't really feel comfortable when I'm being lifted up into the air and I can't even see who is flying the plane. Trust issues aside, I knew that I could make it through the plane ride, assuming I had enough things to entertain me. In preparation for this trip I went to Barnes and Noble. Being the English Literature major I am, I knew books would be my ticket to sheer entertainment. I was holding a book in my hand about "Pride and Prejudice" from Mr. Darcy's point of view, when my boyfriend decided to point out a book about Queen Victoria marrying Dracula. It was in the same section as a book I had read called "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer". I had positively adored that book and found it to be hilarious and slightly historical. He handed me the book and soon Mr. Darcy was back on the shelf. That day I purchased "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde", "Dracula Anno", a travel journal, and a book of cryptograms. I was ready for my flight.

Yeah!Tiny Tower!

     The night before we were scheduled to leave I carefully stocked my backpack with everything I would need. My iPod was essential, as I needed to be able to check on my Tiny Tower. Tiny Tower is a wonderful game where you build a tower and fill it with businesses and apartment buildings and use that money to building more levels and get a higher tower. My roommate Chris got me hooked on it, so I blame him for all the time spent checking my Tiny Tower. Into my backpack I placed a reasonable amount of reading material, as the airline had specified. Carefully tucking "Water for Elephants" into my bag I imagined finishing the book and finally being able to say how much better it was than the movie. One of my true pleasures in life is saying that the book is ALWAYS better than the movie. The one exception is "Gone with the Wind" because that movie made the book come to life. Don't even get me started on what a disappointment the movie "Ella Enchanted" was. Now that I was fully prepared to be entertained, the only thing left was to get to the airport.

Best Song:He Vas my Boyfriend

     In order to make it to the airport I had to drive 3 hours to my sisters house. This car ride was spent singing at the top of my lungs and enjoying whatever alone time I had left. You see, it was going to be 10 straight days with my family. An occurrence that hasn't happened since that 2003 plane ride. Belting "Young Frankenstein" I began to let myself get excited about going to Scandinavia. Maybe we weren't going to die in a plane crash somewhere in the Atlantic. Maybe, just maybe, we would make it there safely and actually get to see another country. Soon I found myself parked in my sister's driveway being greeted by my niece and nephew, who so desperately wanted to show me their new trampoline. An hour later, after all the carry-ons had been weighed and each goodbye so tearfully said, we loaded up the car and headed to the airport.

Weird Lullaby Pillows

     Airport security wasn't as bad as I had expected, and soon we were seated in Minneapolis International Airport's Humphrey terminal. We decided to eat at a restaurant located there, and so began our family vacation. After my mom took at least 8 pictures, it was time to wait to board the plane. Once we were inside the plane we decided to see what Iceland Air had to offer. Turns out you get your own touch screen television and can pick what you want to watch. This would've been great, except my touch screen wouldn't work. Thankfully I had the window seat so I was entertained by Earth instead of television. Since our flight was overnight, we were given a pillow and a blanket. The pillow had an Icelandic lullaby written on it, which was kind of sweet, but also weird. It talked about little kids wandering to where the lambs play. Do you really want to sing a lullaby to a child about running to the hills where lambs play? I assume this would be right after you tell them the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". Lullabies aside, I did survive takeoff and soon caught my first sight of Canada.

So long America!

     The plane ride was a good 5 and a half hours, and I didn't sleep for more than a half an hour. It was too much fun to look out the window and see the moon shining down on the ocean. What was really cool was seeing the moon out one side, and the sun on the other side. We were flying far enough north that we reached the part of the world where the sun doesn't really set in July. It was so amazing to actually see the midnight sun I had heard so much about. Oh, and the fact that with the time difference we were traveling into the future. Soon we landed in Iceland at the Reykjavik(had to google how to spell that) airport. After a short layover we were back on Iceland Air heading to Oslo. Thankfully this time my television worked, sadly it was only a 2-3 hour flight.

Iceland's Keflavik Airport in Reykjavik.

     Before long we were flying over Norway, and the view was breathtaking. Below us we could see snow covered mountains and miles of green. This was much more interesting than Iceland, where all we could see was moss and these purple flowers. I don't think they have trees in Iceland, which makes sense since it is ICE land. All jokes on Iceland aside, Norway looked amazing from the air. As we began our descent into Oslo we could see the Norwegian countryside. I tightly clutched my armrests as the plane began to coast onto the runway. Soon we had come to a stop and the stewardess began announcing in three different languages that we had arrived in Oslo.

I Stand Here, Irony

Blind Hems make you go blind

     Today marked my last day at my first big girl job. My time as a stitcher at Trollwood has come to an end, and this is good because I don't think I could face another hem without losing my mind. Don't get me wrong I loved my job, but after machine blind hemming for 8 hours I was ready to say goodbye. It was a very sad goodbye as I hugged my co-workers and smiled for one picture of all of us together. Now, I ask you to come with me as we gaze far across the distance and spaces between us into the last 6 weeks.

Do it for the children!

     My first day was very interesting, but not really. The new employees were taken on tours around Trollwood, and then down to the Fargo Public Schools District Office to get our IDs printed. Funny thing about getting an ID to work at a school, you need your social security card. My was tucked away in a safe place and not jammed in my wallet where it would've been very useful to me. Thankfully, I was not the only one who was uniformed as my co-workers began making frantic calls to their parents. Not too much sewing happened that day, as we were all getting oriented into our new roles. The next day was great fun! We learned all about what to do if some horrible disaster should strike, take care of the kids and sacrifice yourself for them if need be. After all safety and sacrificing procedures were covered, it was on to sewing. I was handed a box of cut out pieces and told to make them into a dress following the instructions that went with them. Terrified of asking questions I nervously assembled a green dress, and eventually got over my fear of questions as I stumbled across new things I had never seen before.

Not user friendly

     The learning continued as I became acquainted with my sewing machine, which I christened Scarlett. She was, of course, named after Scarlett O'Hara because of her sassyness but overall willingness to do whatever it took to uphold the name of fashion. Over 160 costumes needed to be made, and this included many new experiences with: pin-tucks, pleats, zippers, blind hems, trim, tulip sleeves, and of course the industrial steam irons. These irons hated me, and anytime I used them they would spit out brown gunk and stain my fabric. Enraged, I showed my co-workers the injustice my iron had wrought (get it? wrought, iron!!!). They extended their sympathy and then pointed me toward the stain remover and the washing machine. The more work I was given the more questions I had, and the more spools of thread I ended up emptying. It seemed I was constantly making mistakes and nothing was going right for me on the first try. My boss was extremely understanding, but I think she must have been frustrated with me at some point as I continued to bring her projects that tested her patience. It was when I was least assured of myself that the breakthrough came.

My hem was that awesome.

    Staring down my sewing machine I tried to use my brain, but it had turned into mush. Nothing was going right, and I was handed a dress and told to hem it. The yards of pink fabric stretched for miles in front of me as I sighed over the amount of work I had to do. Very carefully I marked out my hemline and cut 2 inches below it. Putting in a quick gathering stitch, I pulled the thread as it slowly gave in to my will. Turning up the hem I pinned it in place and took it over to Scarlett. Holding my breath I placed the fabric under the needle and watched my hem come to life. Snipping the final threads I ironed out my hem and gazed upon it's frothy-pink glory. The hem fell gracefully and evenly around the entire skirt, adding an extra flair of girlishness to an already over the top dress. I waltzed it into the main room to show off to my coworkers. My heart began to sing as the proper amount of fawning was given and the term "Hem Whisperer" was dropped upon my name. Finally I had something to claim as my own, I was the queen of the hems.

Ahhh co-workers

     More triumphs came my way as I put in 2 different flys into pants, thereby changing them from girl pants to boy pants. No one would ever know those pants had been altered. Even though I was still making mistakes, through the encouragement of my boss and the little victories, I made it all the way to the end of my 6 weeks. It's really hard to believe I won't be waking up tomorrow and heading over to Trollwood, looking forward to the day while dreading parts at the same time. Reality is hitting as I remember that I swiped my timecard for the last time. No longer will I hear Scarlett humming as my co-workers curse over a seam gone wrong. I am so grateful for the things I learned at Trollwood, but most especially for the wonderful folks I encountered there. I don't think I could ever forget the people I met at my very first big girl job.