My Epic Battle with a Vacuum Cleaner

    It started out as an ordinary day, well, except for the fact that it was my first real day of summer vacation. All those months of effort had finally paid off to four glorious months of freedom...mixed in with frenzied money making attempts. I had just returned from a peaceful walk with my faithful companion Alfred, and I was ready to clean out the huge tractor sitting in front of me. Little did I know the horror that awaited me

Naptime...it is good.

   Since my classes got done last Friday I have been recuperating from my very hectic move-out and move-in. The good news is I am finally moved into my house...the downside of that is I am living at home for a month until my job starts so I won't really be enjoying my new room until June. At any rate I had the very accomplished feeling of getting all my stuff placed where it should be, leaving me plenty of time to enjoy the world around me. I partook of the unplanned naptime (3 hours of sheer bliss), no make-up Monday (the first Monday in a very long time), hours spent watching television(more than I care to admit), and of course going for a walk on something other than a treadmill.

9 feet high...It's tall anyway

    With the pleasant memory of my chilly springtime walk fresh in my mind, I sauntered up to clean the tractor so patiently awaiting me. My dad had begun to prepare for Spring planting and asked if I would clean out the cab of his tractor because it had gotten rather dirty over the Winter. He had said I could use the air compressor to just blow out all the dust and bits of corn that were left over, but I decided to do him one better and vacuum out the tractor cab. Now, tractors are very large things, and the cab of this tractor has to be a good 9 feet off the ground. I thought that the shop-vac would have a long enough reach, after all, it had an extension for it that seemed to be never ending. Coupling this amazing extension with an equally awesome long extension cord, I figured there would be no problem reaching the dusty nooks and crannies of the tractor cab...but oh were there problems.

Why must it hate me?

    Initially, the vacuum extension did a good job picking up chunks of dust and old corn...but it couldn't quite reach behind the seat to all the dust along the back window. I pulled on the vacuum extension hoping it would stretch just a little further, instead, it decided to come out of the vacuum and leave me with a screaming vacuum. I hurriedly turned off the vacuum and reattached the extension. Moving the shop-vac closer to the tractor cab I tried again, only to pull out the extension a second time. Spotting another one of the vacuum attachments I connected that to the extension and tried yet again, this time the vacuum angrily tipped over and shouted vacuum profanities at me from its position in the dirt. Hopping out of the cab I picked up the howling vacuum, turned it off, and dragged it up the tractor steps. It was protesting my every movement and pinned me up against the door on my way into the cab. Yanking on the vacuum I managed to get the extension hose underneath the body of the vacuum. This was bad news because the cab was so tiny I had difficulty making any maneuvers, let alone a hostile attack on a stubborn vacuum. Mustering all my strength I lifted up the vacuum and managed to pull the extension free. Breathing a sigh of relief I turned on the vacuum and all hell broke loose.

We've all been there

     From the second I turned on the vacuum to the moment I turned it off it was absolute chaos. Dust began to swirl around the cabin as I moved the hose toward the remaining piles of corn and dust. Thinking I was going to survive I let down my guard...a most deadly mistake. The vacuum began to wrestle with me and I fought back with everything I had. Instead of me conquering the machine, it conquer me and grabbed hold of my ponytail. I eventually freed my hair from the unrelenting machine and ripped off the vacuum extension. I'd had quite enough of its shenanigans and I was ready to show it who was boss. Throwing the extension on the ground I turned back into the cab and made it sparkle. Well...it didn't really sparkle, but it did look a lot less gross. I hoisted the vacuum onto my hip and climbed down the ladder. Angrily I dragged it back into the shed and threw it on the floor, dusting off my hands in triumph. Looking over my shoulder I gave it an icy glare, and I swear that vacuum glared right back because it knew that I had won this round.