The Day I Discovered the Root to All Evil

     It was a usual March day with the gray(or grey, whatever you prefer)sky, the chilly wind, and the awkward puddles that are way to big to skirt around. I had experienced a most uneventful day and was ready for it to be over, but somehow it just wouldn't go away. I was laying on my couch watching "The Office" at 1am, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. My emotions were all in turmoil, and all I wanted to do was stay on the couch until I fell asleep. It was at this point that I realized what had happened, the forces of evil had taken hold of me. It was then that discovered I knew the root to all evil: fluorescent lights.

EVIL!!!!

     You would think something as efficient and widely used as fluorescent lights would be a vehicle of good and not evil, well, YOU ARE WRONG!They are tubes of hot gas that take time to heat up, and once they do there is no telling what kind of havoc they will wreak. Maybe they will decide that they are tired, so they start to flicker. I work in a basement so we have a lot of fluorescent lights to deal with, and I HATE it when they flicker. It makes it makes you  believe that you are experiencing a small seizure, blinking to rapidly, or perhaps missing out on people running by you and inhuman paces (obviously werewolves, warlocks, or...w-ampires). Then you realize that most irritating refraction of light isn't something medical, but something most ungodly...fluorescent lights. Once your attention has been drawn to this, you can't ignore it anymore and you have to deal with it until quitting time, or perhaps the angels smile down upon you and extinguish the evil (it burns itself out).

I feel it too Kate, I feel it too.

     Then there's the whole, your body thinks it's taking it good light thing. Sunlight is good for you, with the proper protection. While we have yet to invent a sun condom (the sun will impregnate you with cancer if you don't use protection), we have sunscreen, and clothes...I can't express how grateful I am when people use this venue against skin cancer. But you need that good old vitamin D to maintain a happy and healthy body. Since I live in Moorhead, and it's nearing the end of winter, by body is very hungry for vitamin D. It takes this out on me by making me sleepy, hungry, and SUPER unmotivated. Fluorescent lights trick you into thinking they are good light, when in actuality they give you nothing but grief. Kate (of Jon and Kate Plus 8 fame) would often fly into a rage about the fluorescent lights in her home, and as much as it pains me to say this, I can see where she is coming from,

Fluorescent lights will never see this coming.

     Imagine having to deal with the evils of fluorescent lights not only at the accursed place of working, but also in the sanctuary of your own home. The evil forces would surround you all day and eventually steal your soul. So far I have been able to fight the enemy with soft lighting (of the college twisty lamp fame). While this lighting is nice and relaxing, it doesn't compare to the glory of sunlight. And my soul has already been compromised by the extreme amount of time I must spend in the clutches of the Evil Ones.Until magically, one day, I will look up and there will be my redemption. I won't notice it at first, but I eventually I will experience feelings of great joy and giddiness. And high above me the sun with be shining brightly and powerfully, slowly vanquishing winter, and breaking the strangle hold of the evil fluorescent lights.